Time to Groove

17 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by mainlinehousewife in job search

In 18 days my kids go back to school. On that very same day, my youngest turns 8 years old. It’s time for me to get busy on the next stage of my life. I need to go back to work. Outside the home.

If you know me, in real life or on twitter, I’ve been saying this for a long time. 5 years to be exact. I’ve had wonderful offers of help from people I know as well as those I’ve met online. Some I’ve followed through on and some I have not.

I’m not sure what’s holding me back. It’s most likely some combination of fear of failure and rejection and not really knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life. Those are just excuses for not doing the hard work of networking and job hunting.

I need to make this the #1 priority in my life. No more dilly-dallying, procrastinating, pretending I’m busy with unimportant chores. I can do it. It’s time to groove.

I’ll have a Non-fat Grande with a Side of Judgement

06 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by mainlinehousewife in coffee, housewives

≈ 4 Comments

I don’t think I’m a paranoid person, so when I started noticing that my regular Starbucks barista was serving up my grande every morning with snide little comments about about my lifestyle, I began to take them personally.

“I could never sleep so late,” he said as I sauntered in one morning at 11:00. I had come directly from yoga class (the lululemon outfit should have been the giveaway) so perhaps that is why I looked tired.

“Are your kids in camp? All day? All summer? And they like it?” he asked just last week sounding surprised at this obvious display of privilege (Why the surprise? This is the Main Line after all.)

“Happy Friday. But isn’t everyday Friday for you?” he assumed which he shouldn’t have, because, really, everyday is like Saturday for me.

On the rare occasion when I show up without workout clothes and wearing makeup, he goes all out with the compliments.

“You look so beautiful. Are you going to work?” he asks hopefully, and come to think of it, sounds just like my husband.

I’ve been going to this Starbucks since my kids were toddlers. They used to come with me and whine until I bought them chocolate milk and scones. Now I come in alone or with a friend or fellow housewife and just order coffee.

I’ve begun to dread my daily encounter with this barista. I’ve even started getting my coffee elsewhere a few mornings a week.

Why am I allowing this person to make me feel bad about my life? I would love to respond to one of his prying questions with one of my own: “Why are you still working at Starbucks after 6 years?” but, hey, I’m not judgey like that.

I need to be proud of my life. I need to own being a housewife because that’s what I am for the time being. I’m working on it. In the meantime, who wants to meet me at La Columbe for coffee tomorrow morning?

Yoga Crisis of Confidence

16 Wednesday May 2012

Posted by mainlinehousewife in yoga

≈ 1 Comment

I love yoga. Or at least I thought I did until a recent experience with a new class at a new studio made me question whether it’s capital Y yoga that I love or yoga as it is practiced at MY studio with MY favorite teachers.

I had tried yoga at various times over the years, but I found it boring and inaccessible. Then 2 1/2 years ago I stumbled into a class at my gym with a goddess-like teacher whose flowing postures and detailed instructions made the impossible seem possible. I was hooked. I asked her where else she taught and she told me about her studio. I followed her there and haven’t taken a class at my gym since.

This studio is as far away from “gym” yoga as you can get. There is incense burning, mantra chanting, harmonium playing, and lots of Sanskrit. The classes are filled with people of all ages, sizes, and skill levels. There are plenty of tattoos and some female body hair. The teachers offer multiple variations for every pose and little nuggets of wisdom from the Yoga Sutras. When I’m there I feel worlds away from the affluent bubble in which I live.

The Yoga Sutras talk about Vairagya or non-attachment. On the most basic level, I fall far short. When I take a class at another studio I inevitably feel annoyed or frustrated that the class is different from what I am used to. I start judging and comparing. I can’t focus on the moment.

I suppose a more evolved or enlightened yogi would be able to find something meaningful in every class. I, on the other hand, have a long way to go.

Housewives Don’t Get Any Respect

14 Monday May 2012

Posted by mainlinehousewife in hot topics, housewives

≈ 2 Comments

Housewife is a derogatory label in our culture. Maybe we can blame the Bravo Housewives (although some of them are not wives and many hold jobs outside the home). Maybe this is due to the significance of money, and the importance of the ability to earn lots of it, in our society. I can only speculate what the reasons are and for now I am not really interested in placing blame.

This morning as I ran my 7-year-old out to the bus and expressed to the other parents that she has become quite a handful (pain in the ass more like it) one of the mothers turned to me and said, “Well at least you have several hours to recover now.” Then she got in her car and headed off to her very prestigious and important job downtown.

I like and respect this woman very much and admire the work she does, and I don’t really think she meant her comment to offend. But I would be lying if I said it didn’t sting. And it did, a lot.

A while ago I invested a chunk of my savings on a life coach in an effort to jump start my re-entry back into the paid work force. When I expressed concern over how to explain the time I’ve taken off from corporate life to future employers, the coach said that I needed to frame it as part of my journey. Spending time at home with my young children was just one stop on a long and diverse path.

I never did try that line of reasoning with a job interviewer, but I like to think that there is truth to it, however new-age-y it sounds. I worked for many years, in a couple of different capacities, before I became a housewife and I will work again outside the home. Now I am a housewife, or stay-at-home mother if that is the more palatable term, but it’s not permanent and I will (try) not to feel bad about it.

And as soon as I hit publish on this post, I’m headed to Starbucks, to de-stress and put the awful morning with my 7-year-old behind me.

Cecily Tynan Beat Me: Recap of the 2012 Broad Street Run

07 Monday May 2012

Posted by mainlinehousewife in Philly, running

≈ 1 Comment

After 3 months of training, I achieved a long-held goal yesterday: completing the 10 mile long Broad Street Run. Over 33,000 runners finished the race, which is the largest race in Philadelphia, as well as the largest 10 mile race in the country.

My goal was to finish the race, running the whole time, and I did it. I started out deliberately at a conservative pace and stuck with that the entire time until the last half-mile or so when I kicked it up a notch. I wasn’t even tired when I finished and have zero aches and pains today, so now I am Monday-morning quarterbacking myself and wishing I had gone faster.

I had a blast and, as they say, that is what counts. Hitched a ride in from the Main Line with a former co-worker of my husband and some of his friends, rode the Broad Street subway for the first time (kind of crazy it was the first time since I consider myself to be such a city girl), kept warm inside a school bus with some awesome young volunteers from Central High until 5 minutes before the start. Running down Broad Street from North Philly, past Temple University, around City Hall, through Center City and then through the heart of South Philly surrounded by runners and cheering crowds the whole time will go down as one of the most memorable experiences I’ve had in Philadelphia.

My favorite moments came about halfway through the race when I spotted former Governor Ed Rendell standing near the Bellevue Hotel and I ran up to him and gave him a high-five, and then around mile 9.5 when I spotted my husband and kids among the large crowds cheering on the runners as they got close to the finish line.

The weather could not have been more ideal for running: high 50s, overcast, not too much wind, which was kind of interesting considering Philadelphia’s own celebrity meteorologist slash running superstar Cecily Tynan took first place in my age group. Coincidence? I wonder.

I have never had much desire to run a marathon or even a half marathon; Broad Street always seemed like enough of a challenge. I am already thinking about next year and now that I know I can finish the race without a problem I can focus on bringing down my time. So, Cecily, watch out in 2013. I’m coming after you.

Conspicuous Consumption

24 Tuesday Apr 2012

Posted by mainlinehousewife in Main Line, real estate

≈ 2 Comments

One of my favorite things to do at the beginning of the school year is take the new school directory and Zillow the addresses of my kids’ classmates. I am innately curious and want to know how much their homes are worth and how much their parents pay in property taxes.

Main Line real estate is not much different from that of most affluent suburbs. Good schools, beautiful homes, little land available for new construction and easy proximity to a major city kept home values increasing for years. Even in these tough economic times, the Main Line has not seen the same level of decline as other hard hit areas of the country.

A recent check of my own home on Zillow shows that it is worth approximately what we paid for it in 2005. I can live with that; we’re not going anywhere in the foreseeable future. At least we’re not going anywhere if my husband has his way in the matter.

Every few months I suggest to my husband that perhaps we should consider downsizing. According to Zillow, our house is 4600 square feet on 1.3 acres with 4 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. What Zillow does not know is that we also finished 2000 square feet of our basement and added another full bath after moving in.

In 2005 we had two toddlers, the economy was booming and real estate was on fire. Homes regularly sold 24-48 hours after listing for well over the asking price. If you didn’t put an escalating clause on your offer you could kiss any chance of getting the house goodbye.

In 2012, we still have only two children, and while they are bigger, they are still small for their age. We all know what happened to the economy. My kids still end up in our big king-size bed most nights and all four of us use the master bathroom like it’s our only outhouse, leaving the other five bathrooms lonely and neglected. To add insult to injury, my kids absolutely refuse to play in our big, bright finished basement.

My husband counters my downsizing suggestions by arguing that the monthly carrying cost of our house would not be that much lower if we downsized. We’ve taken advantage of rock-bottom mortgage rates by refinancing several times. Our windows and HVAC are new so our monthly heating and cooling bills are lower than they were for our 2000 square foot Center City townhouse. And our taxes are relatively low for the size of our house (shhh…don’t tell the township about that new basement and bathroom!)

So for now we will stay put in our too-big-for-four people Main Line home. My husband will continue parading around the property like the estate owner he thinks he is, directing the landscaper to plant a tree here and add more shrubs there. And I will do my best to try and fill our ridiculous amount of closet space like a good Main Line Housewife.

In Defense of Lululemon Yoga Pants

20 Friday Apr 2012

Posted by mainlinehousewife in hot topics, Lululemon, yoga

≈ Leave a Comment

I’ve owned this domain for over a year and have not had the motivation (or inspiration) to do anything with it. Yesterday, I read a post on forbes.com, A Working Mom Defends the ‘Lululemon Stay-at Home Mother’ that actually made me want to sit down and write something.

My over-simplified take on the author’s point is that we should not make assumptions about others, whether they be Trayvon Martin or stay-at-home mothers, and their life and struggles, based on clothing and other external characteristics. I completely agree.

I do take issue with the maligning of my beloved Lululemon yoga pants. Somehow in this replay of the Mommy Wars, ignited by Hilary Rosen’s comments last week about Ann Romney, Lululemon yoga pants have become the great divider between working moms and stay-at-home moms, wealthy women and, well, the other 95%. Why are a benign few yards of luon® so controversial and inflammatory?

Let’s start with the price, ranging from $68 for a pair of crops to $98 for full-length pants. When I worked, I regularly dropped $400 on a suit and had the dry-cleaning bills to go along with that. Sure I could have bought less-expensive suits, but the position I held, and the industry and company for which I worked, required a certain polished and fashionable wardrobe. I also worked long hours and a well-made, well-fit suit was simply more comfortable and could go longer between dry cleanings. Now that I’m home, also working long hours, should I sacrifice comfort, quality and fit because I don’t go to an office everyday? The way I see it, $98 is a lot less than $400, and my yoga pants are machine washable. Considering I wear them everyday, they are a bargain all-around.

Maybe the issue is with yoga (or pilates or barre classes-take your pick) itself. The classes are a luxury in terms of money and time. I work out a lot and since I also like to sleep a lot, if I held a full-time job outside the home, exercise would probably be one of the first things to be sacrificed. But yoga is more than exercise to me. It is an opportunity to clear my head, be around other adults and feel connected to a larger community. I got many of these same benefits from working lunches and happy hours with colleagues but since I don’t have those opportunities right now, I find fulfillment in yoga. And the 90 minute classes are a much smaller commitment than the 4 hour a day, $750 a month commute to work that I used to have.

I know I am privileged. Some of that is due to hard work, some due to having a husband who has good earning potential (due to hard work and career choice) and some is just plain luck. You can knock my life choices, envy my situation, consider me spoiled and lazy, just leave my Lululemon yoga pants out of it.

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